Well it seems that Life has pulled me away from all my writing lately....I'd love to say its a good thing, that life was going GRAND and I had nothing to share or vent on here....but as seems to be the case in my life that is far from the truth.
We have been so crazy lately again! Rob had to take extra classes this summer because he failed his second class at the university, causing him to loose his financial aid and get academically disqualified. Although I think the 10 week break ended up being a positive thing for him, he needed some time to breathe after 4 years of full time college!
Of course the down side there was that the financial aid was also cancelled, and we live off of that money. Again I was blessed with friends that helped pick up slack and loaned us cash, as well as a babysitting job. We have continued to pull through.
It seems when a door is closed a window is opened in our lives, I do wish that they would open just a bit more, but at least there is a trickle to keep us going.
We also started the process of getting legal custody of Robert this month. there again I thought that all was lost, two lawyers both wanted $4,000- half being a retainer to help us, and again, a good friend referred us to a family lawyer who is an amazing person, and who is doing everything for us for $1300!!!! so now the job really starts, paying him! again I feel blessed, not only is he giving us this HUGE discount, he is taking payments.....they are payments we really can't afford still, but they are payments we will make!
I have gotten even more creative in my cooking in the last 3 weeks or so....the other night I created a meal that everyone LOVED completely out of thin air, if you want to cook on a half a penny, try some of these recipes: I feed 3 adults, a 17 year old and 2 children who often eat more than the adults, and SOMETIMES we even have left overs!
potato casserole:
6 thinly sliced potatoes
1 can of kidney beans (drained)
6 cooked and shredded chicken legs (previously seasoned with a curry sauce from last nights dinner, but you can add whatever seasoning you want!)
1 Can of diced tomatoes
1 can of chicken broth
1 cup of milk
Layer a pan with your potatoes (I layered them two deep)
put beans, meat, tomatoes and seasons on top of potatoes
pour milk and chicken broth over everything
cook on 375 degrees for an hour or until tomatoes are tender and serve!
total cost for tonight's dinner: $7.62 or $1.27 per person!! :)
the kids said they would have liked olives, and cheese in this one, and maybe even a dollop of sour cream after its served, but everyone ate this just the way it was :)
Thai Peanut chicken:
3 chicken leg quarters cook and shredded
1 jar of San J Gluten free Thai peanut sauce (this is HALF the cost of the meal, but its OH SO GOOD!)
half of a white onion
one green bell pepper
3 cups of white rice
cook rice
dice bell peppers and onion and cook until tender in a pan with 2 tbs. of oil
add veggies and chicken in half a jar of sauce and simmer until it becomes thick
serve chicken and veggies over rice with additional half jar of sauce for everyone to add to taste individually :)
Cost: $10.41 or $1.74 per person!!
Tacolada casserole
12 pack corn tortillas
1 lb ground turkey (beef is cheaper if you can use it!)
1/4 cup of milk
8 0z of a chevre cheese of your choice (we use goat running $4.99 for 8 0z)
1/2 a jar a green salsa
fresh cilantro
fresh onion
1 can of black olives
1 can of tomatoes (drained)
1 can re-fried beans
cook meat
layer bottom of sprayed pan with 6 of your corn tortillas
add meat, salsa, olives, and tomatoes and beans
layer 6 more tortillas on the top
melt cheese in 1/4 cup of milk and pour melted cheese and milk over top layer of tortillas.
cook uncovered at 350-375 degrees until dish is warm and cheese sauce has firmed on top of crisp tortillas (about 20-30 min)
Cost: $ 11.96 or $1.99 per person!!
I try to stay under $2 per person per meal and as close to $1.50 as I can for dinners
I will post more of my concoctions as I come up with them!
until next time friends!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
I am MOM
it's become very clear to me over the last few months that I am "mom" to many people in my life. I mean of course I am the mom to my children, and my animals in my house, but I am also the "mom" to a number of 20 somethings that I have met since meeting Amyee in my ASL class close to 3 years ago. I am the one that everyone calls when they are sick and want to know if they should be worried about the blood tinge in their mucus, I am the one that everyone calls when they are fighting with a significant other and want advice, I am the one that everyone calls when they are bored or need help with a resume or a ride to a job or someone to sit with them in the ER, and I am also the one that gets called by the ones with babies. I get breastfeeding questions, I get general health questions, & I get baby sitting requests. for the most part I don't mind any of it, I like being there for people I like helping! I hear a lot of "your the best!" and "thanks so much!" and my response is always the same: "glad I could help" or "happy to" and I really am! BUT I'm feeling recently like I need some time for ME, and like maybe I need to find a way to be ok with saying: "no I can't do that today" or "I really don't have the energy to be the relationship person today"
but I find that hard to do, my desire to help others has always been a fault and I'm starting to relegate some responsibility to my husband and my kids for things (although its hard with the kids, that's another post!) I really need to start expanding that to everyone else in my life....its just so HARD! I'm the give you the shirt off my back even if its the last one I have kind of person....not sure if I will ever change!
but I find that hard to do, my desire to help others has always been a fault and I'm starting to relegate some responsibility to my husband and my kids for things (although its hard with the kids, that's another post!) I really need to start expanding that to everyone else in my life....its just so HARD! I'm the give you the shirt off my back even if its the last one I have kind of person....not sure if I will ever change!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
anxiety...
the last few days have been very good days filled with Samantha's birthday celebration, filing our taxes and seeing our return amount, buying a new couch to be delivered on Friday, and getting things picked up and organized around the house. Yet I have been so full of anxiety....at night before I am falling asleep, and first thing in the morning when I open my eyes that familiar knot is in my stomach and my heart is racing... regularly throughout the day I find myself short of breath, with the overwhelming feeling. I have started back on my Gaba twice a day and I think tomorrow morning I am going to start on the Saint John's Wort again and see if that gets things back into check. I really hate to get back on the pharmaceutical meds again if I can help it, I am hoping if I stay diligent with my herbs I will be ok.
In the mean time, I REALLY hate feeling like this! I am trying to keep myself busy and just ignore it through most of the days since getting lost in the feelings doesn't help them go away.
In the mean time, I REALLY hate feeling like this! I am trying to keep myself busy and just ignore it through most of the days since getting lost in the feelings doesn't help them go away.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
it's offical, I'm 30......
and its not so bad! LOL my husband for the first time in 15 years of being together did the most romantic thing he has EVER done for ANY special event or holiday!
he (ahead of time mind you!) booked a trip to Catalina Island for us for my birthday! he found someone to watch the little ones, arranged for someone to drop off and pick up Robert from Tuesday classes, and even looked into the different things to do on the island while we were there!
I had the most AMAZING time! we caught a boat in the Long Beach harbor at 10am and had a nice 1 hr. boat ride in calm waters to Catalina, about 20 min before we docked, we saw a pod of dolphins swimming not to far from the ship, such a neat sight! when we docked we were just in time to buy tickets for the semi submersible boat tour, which took us around the island to lovers cove,a marine preserve, and let us shoot "fish food torpedoes" at the fish and watch them come right up to the window to eat, as well as a few kelp forests, it was a really neat sight and experience!
following the tour we had lunch on a deck on the ocean of clam chowder, and shrimp, scallop, and sword fish kabobs.....lovely!
then we just walked around and explored the island a little bit, visited some shops, looked for some geocaches, and had some homemade fudge and coffee.
Dinner was a clam chowder in a sour dough bowl and a mai tai to drink (rob had oysters on the half shell and a shot of tequila!) followed by more exploring and finally waiting for our 7:30pm boat departure
It was beyond a shadow of a doubt the most relaxing day I have had in a LONG TIME and the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!
I can't wait to see what my 30's have in store for me, because if they are anything like the first day, its gonna be one Helluva a ride!
he (ahead of time mind you!) booked a trip to Catalina Island for us for my birthday! he found someone to watch the little ones, arranged for someone to drop off and pick up Robert from Tuesday classes, and even looked into the different things to do on the island while we were there!
I had the most AMAZING time! we caught a boat in the Long Beach harbor at 10am and had a nice 1 hr. boat ride in calm waters to Catalina, about 20 min before we docked, we saw a pod of dolphins swimming not to far from the ship, such a neat sight! when we docked we were just in time to buy tickets for the semi submersible boat tour, which took us around the island to lovers cove,a marine preserve, and let us shoot "fish food torpedoes" at the fish and watch them come right up to the window to eat, as well as a few kelp forests, it was a really neat sight and experience!
following the tour we had lunch on a deck on the ocean of clam chowder, and shrimp, scallop, and sword fish kabobs.....lovely!
then we just walked around and explored the island a little bit, visited some shops, looked for some geocaches, and had some homemade fudge and coffee.
Dinner was a clam chowder in a sour dough bowl and a mai tai to drink (rob had oysters on the half shell and a shot of tequila!) followed by more exploring and finally waiting for our 7:30pm boat departure
It was beyond a shadow of a doubt the most relaxing day I have had in a LONG TIME and the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!
I can't wait to see what my 30's have in store for me, because if they are anything like the first day, its gonna be one Helluva a ride!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
living the truth of the season and believing in miracles!!!
We had a visit the other day....it came as a suprise.
On Sunday evening I got a text message from the pastor of the Deaf church where i used to teach Sunday school and provide child care for Wednesday night Deaf bible study about 2 years ago now. He asked if he could meet with me and the family on Monday some time in the evening, I wasn't sure what it was about but of course I said yes.
Monday all day I wondered what the reason for Jeff's visit was? finally I decided, It must have something to do with my visit with Mrs. Sampley and her asking me what the names and ages of the kids were. I surmised that they were probably going to bring over some small gifts for the kids, and I was grateful for the opportunity to have a few extra things under the tree since at that point each of my 3 children had exactly ONE gift from us to unwrap and one or two gifts that my mother had sent...that was all that would be under our tree this year, and although I was remaining positive that we actually HAD a gift to unwrap, I couldn't help but be a little disappointed by the circumstances.
Monday was also that day that Rob picked up his last and finally check from his job, it was $430.00...our bills as of Monday that were all due by the 1st of Jan. were $1,030.00 without gas for the car or groceries factored in. I had decided i would pay for the cell phones, so that we could get the calls for unemployment interview and hopefully the VA medical benefits, and maybe my worker for food-stamps, and I would buy a few groceries and put a little gas in the car. Everyone else would just have to wait or come and take/shut off what was theirs for failure to pay, and if the food didn't last, we would go to the food bank. In the mean time I had decided, we would enjoy our little Christmas, and do what we could to make things work till some of next quarters loan money came from the college after the new year.
Monday we had just finished a quite yummy dinner when Jeff sent a message asking for my address. I have to admit I was a bit nervous since we haven't used a whole lot of sign on a regular basis!
Jeff and his wife were soon at our door and I was motioning them to come in out of the rain, they had with them a bag full of little stuffed animals and goodies for the kids that they said we could wrap or give to them, whatever we wanted to do, and they handed me a card, and asked that we not open it until they left. We all stood in the kitchen for a while and chatted about how big the kids were getting, how his boys who are around Roberts age, play 8 man football for a local christian HS here in town, and about when Jeff was younger and stayed in a "room for rent" where he ate every morning at the restaurant down the road in the truck stop after he got up to feed the horses and head to the local community college for classes, and we made fun of my cross eyed little Mosimo kitty. It was a very nice visit with some nice laughs! After many thank yous and Merry Christmas's, and hugs the Pastor and his wife left, and Rob grab the card off of our bar to open it.
As Rob opened the card, I was standing behind him and the first thing he said was "Holy SHIT!" I turned around in time to see 3 $100 bills fall onto the bar, and I grabbed his arm! "Are you Kidding!?" was all I could say.... "there's more!" is what he said...under the cash was a $100 target gift card, $25 chevron gas card, and $50 foodmaxx grocery store card! I was honestly in shock...I couldn't speak, I couldn't cry I think I just kept saying "oh my God!" over and over and over again. after about 10 min. I finally realized that I needed to text Jeff. I sent him this message:
"please tell everyone who made this blessing possible for our family thank you from us, I have tears of gratitude right now and can't tell you how much this means to us!"
his response was simply: "God bless you all, Merry Christmas!"
it was at that point that I really cried, I was so overwhelmed with the blessing we had received!
SO, today, I went Christmas shopping! I got one more gift for each of the kids, a gift for my husband, and a gift for a few of our closest friends. I put gas in my car, and I bought some things from the grocery store. We still have some cash left so I am saving it to help with some expenses. I truly feel blessed this Christmas Season! and I can't say enough thank you's to our Church Family at LBC Deaf Church!
God is GOOD!
On Sunday evening I got a text message from the pastor of the Deaf church where i used to teach Sunday school and provide child care for Wednesday night Deaf bible study about 2 years ago now. He asked if he could meet with me and the family on Monday some time in the evening, I wasn't sure what it was about but of course I said yes.
Monday all day I wondered what the reason for Jeff's visit was? finally I decided, It must have something to do with my visit with Mrs. Sampley and her asking me what the names and ages of the kids were. I surmised that they were probably going to bring over some small gifts for the kids, and I was grateful for the opportunity to have a few extra things under the tree since at that point each of my 3 children had exactly ONE gift from us to unwrap and one or two gifts that my mother had sent...that was all that would be under our tree this year, and although I was remaining positive that we actually HAD a gift to unwrap, I couldn't help but be a little disappointed by the circumstances.
Monday was also that day that Rob picked up his last and finally check from his job, it was $430.00...our bills as of Monday that were all due by the 1st of Jan. were $1,030.00 without gas for the car or groceries factored in. I had decided i would pay for the cell phones, so that we could get the calls for unemployment interview and hopefully the VA medical benefits, and maybe my worker for food-stamps, and I would buy a few groceries and put a little gas in the car. Everyone else would just have to wait or come and take/shut off what was theirs for failure to pay, and if the food didn't last, we would go to the food bank. In the mean time I had decided, we would enjoy our little Christmas, and do what we could to make things work till some of next quarters loan money came from the college after the new year.
Monday we had just finished a quite yummy dinner when Jeff sent a message asking for my address. I have to admit I was a bit nervous since we haven't used a whole lot of sign on a regular basis!
Jeff and his wife were soon at our door and I was motioning them to come in out of the rain, they had with them a bag full of little stuffed animals and goodies for the kids that they said we could wrap or give to them, whatever we wanted to do, and they handed me a card, and asked that we not open it until they left. We all stood in the kitchen for a while and chatted about how big the kids were getting, how his boys who are around Roberts age, play 8 man football for a local christian HS here in town, and about when Jeff was younger and stayed in a "room for rent" where he ate every morning at the restaurant down the road in the truck stop after he got up to feed the horses and head to the local community college for classes, and we made fun of my cross eyed little Mosimo kitty. It was a very nice visit with some nice laughs! After many thank yous and Merry Christmas's, and hugs the Pastor and his wife left, and Rob grab the card off of our bar to open it.
As Rob opened the card, I was standing behind him and the first thing he said was "Holy SHIT!" I turned around in time to see 3 $100 bills fall onto the bar, and I grabbed his arm! "Are you Kidding!?" was all I could say.... "there's more!" is what he said...under the cash was a $100 target gift card, $25 chevron gas card, and $50 foodmaxx grocery store card! I was honestly in shock...I couldn't speak, I couldn't cry I think I just kept saying "oh my God!" over and over and over again. after about 10 min. I finally realized that I needed to text Jeff. I sent him this message:
"please tell everyone who made this blessing possible for our family thank you from us, I have tears of gratitude right now and can't tell you how much this means to us!"
his response was simply: "God bless you all, Merry Christmas!"
it was at that point that I really cried, I was so overwhelmed with the blessing we had received!
SO, today, I went Christmas shopping! I got one more gift for each of the kids, a gift for my husband, and a gift for a few of our closest friends. I put gas in my car, and I bought some things from the grocery store. We still have some cash left so I am saving it to help with some expenses. I truly feel blessed this Christmas Season! and I can't say enough thank you's to our Church Family at LBC Deaf Church!
God is GOOD!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
feeling better....but its just a feeling
I met with my friend/mentor. It was a great visit. she was a big help, called the church and got us some food gift cards and a gas card so I didn't have to worry about gas for a few days!
Her husband (I had no idea at the time) also happens to be a licensed counselor, so she shared my email with him and asked him what advice he would give to me if I came to his office. He told her, she said, the same thing he had years ago when their children were young (her youngest is mid 20's now) "you can not, and should not live your life based on your feelings. feelings are just things, they change, min. to min., day to day, moment to moment. Instead, live your life and make your decisions based on FACTS whatever you base your facts on (the bible scripture, the teachings of the Koran, scientific study, ect) whatever you believe as true and factual is what you should turn to in times you "feel" in crisis" it was like a light-bulb for me. I feel so deeply the things that happen around me, that I sometimes let those feelings consume me without giving much thought to the FACTS. I do believe in a higher power, I DO believe that there IS a plan for our lives that we in fact have a hand in laying out before we come to this earth, I DO believe that we are here to fulfill a purpose. these things are my truth, they are my fact.
1.) I am here, living this life, having these experiences for a reason, an important reason
2.) there IS something bigger than my life that created this plan and purpose with me
3.) there ARE many guides and Angels that will lead and support me in my journey if I remember to ask them and seek their guidance when I feel lost.
4.) My family and my children complete me as a person, we are not perfect and neither am I and that is OK as long as I am complete.
5.) Hope is a feeling, and sometimes it gets lost....the fact is that I will continue the path I am supposed to be on and the feelings will return to a state of normalcy on their own, I do not need to search for them
6.) I believe in the Truth of miracles, I believe they have happened to me before, and I believe they will happen for me again.
I am now reminding myself, in the days that I want to pull out my hair (like today when I found out my oldest needs PT 3 times a week for 3 weeks for his knee...$255+ minimum) and "feel" out of control that my TRUTH, My FACT, is that I never had control to begin with and that all of these things will be provided for and experienced as I was meant to, and when it's all said and done I will "feel" the peace that I have searched for because I believed in the facts!
I will close with the reading that was in the book that Mrs. Sampley gave to me the day I visited her. its a daily devotional that a friend gave her years ago, it was in a box in her garage, she went and got it and gave it to me and we read allowed from the day that corresponded with the day of my visit...it gave me chills...
"Stay ever so close to me, and you will not deviate from the path I have prepared for you. This is the most efficient way to stay on track; it is also the most enjoyable way. Men tend to multiply duties in their observance of religion. This practice enables them to give Me money, time, and work without yielding up to Me what I desire the most-their hearts. Rules can be observed mechanically. Once they become habitual, they can be followed with minimal effort and almost no thought. these habit-forming rules provide a false sense of security, lulling the soul into a comatose condition. What I search for in My children is an awakened soul that thrills to the Joy of My Presence! I created mankind to glorify Me and enjoy Me forever. I provide the Joy; your part is to glorify Me by living lose to Me."
~Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young
Her husband (I had no idea at the time) also happens to be a licensed counselor, so she shared my email with him and asked him what advice he would give to me if I came to his office. He told her, she said, the same thing he had years ago when their children were young (her youngest is mid 20's now) "you can not, and should not live your life based on your feelings. feelings are just things, they change, min. to min., day to day, moment to moment. Instead, live your life and make your decisions based on FACTS whatever you base your facts on (the bible scripture, the teachings of the Koran, scientific study, ect) whatever you believe as true and factual is what you should turn to in times you "feel" in crisis" it was like a light-bulb for me. I feel so deeply the things that happen around me, that I sometimes let those feelings consume me without giving much thought to the FACTS. I do believe in a higher power, I DO believe that there IS a plan for our lives that we in fact have a hand in laying out before we come to this earth, I DO believe that we are here to fulfill a purpose. these things are my truth, they are my fact.
1.) I am here, living this life, having these experiences for a reason, an important reason
2.) there IS something bigger than my life that created this plan and purpose with me
3.) there ARE many guides and Angels that will lead and support me in my journey if I remember to ask them and seek their guidance when I feel lost.
4.) My family and my children complete me as a person, we are not perfect and neither am I and that is OK as long as I am complete.
5.) Hope is a feeling, and sometimes it gets lost....the fact is that I will continue the path I am supposed to be on and the feelings will return to a state of normalcy on their own, I do not need to search for them
6.) I believe in the Truth of miracles, I believe they have happened to me before, and I believe they will happen for me again.
I am now reminding myself, in the days that I want to pull out my hair (like today when I found out my oldest needs PT 3 times a week for 3 weeks for his knee...$255+ minimum) and "feel" out of control that my TRUTH, My FACT, is that I never had control to begin with and that all of these things will be provided for and experienced as I was meant to, and when it's all said and done I will "feel" the peace that I have searched for because I believed in the facts!
I will close with the reading that was in the book that Mrs. Sampley gave to me the day I visited her. its a daily devotional that a friend gave her years ago, it was in a box in her garage, she went and got it and gave it to me and we read allowed from the day that corresponded with the day of my visit...it gave me chills...
"Stay ever so close to me, and you will not deviate from the path I have prepared for you. This is the most efficient way to stay on track; it is also the most enjoyable way. Men tend to multiply duties in their observance of religion. This practice enables them to give Me money, time, and work without yielding up to Me what I desire the most-their hearts. Rules can be observed mechanically. Once they become habitual, they can be followed with minimal effort and almost no thought. these habit-forming rules provide a false sense of security, lulling the soul into a comatose condition. What I search for in My children is an awakened soul that thrills to the Joy of My Presence! I created mankind to glorify Me and enjoy Me forever. I provide the Joy; your part is to glorify Me by living lose to Me."
~Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Unemployment rollercoaster again
Well to add to my oh so fun couple of weeks emotionally, Rob got laid off yesterday. YEP 3rd time in 3 years, and after only 3 months of working after an 18 month stint on unemployment. I'm angry, I don't want to have to deal with the food-stamps office or the food-bank line again, but I won't have choice in a few weeks if things don't fall into place pretty quickly with loans and grants and military disability information.
On the up side, yes I still have those occasionally, I have scheduled a meeting with a very great woman next week, an old college professor who was somewhat of a mentor to me. I emailed her about some of my struggles and she asked to meet with me in person. I am actually looking forward to it. pouring my heart out to someone in person who isn't my husband sounds like it might be a cleansing experience, I am hoping to come away from it with a renewed bit of energy and hope. I really hope I feel a bit better soon....I'm trying, I really am, but It's not helping much yet. i guess I haven't given up hope completely if I am willing to keep trying...part of my personality I guess, I am a fighter, even when I don't want to be anymore.
On the up side, yes I still have those occasionally, I have scheduled a meeting with a very great woman next week, an old college professor who was somewhat of a mentor to me. I emailed her about some of my struggles and she asked to meet with me in person. I am actually looking forward to it. pouring my heart out to someone in person who isn't my husband sounds like it might be a cleansing experience, I am hoping to come away from it with a renewed bit of energy and hope. I really hope I feel a bit better soon....I'm trying, I really am, but It's not helping much yet. i guess I haven't given up hope completely if I am willing to keep trying...part of my personality I guess, I am a fighter, even when I don't want to be anymore.
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