God doesn't give us more than we can handel.......bullshit!

warning: this will be a long, depressing, down in the dumps, self pittying post.............you have been warned!



Everyone keeps telling me "God never gives us more than we can handle" "It will get better, hang in there" "there is nowhere to go but up!" and my favorite "it could be worse?" I wish I could have the time to tell them all my life's story from 18 on up, I'll skip the crappy childhood, the drug addicted dad, the 3 years that I lived in a childrens home.......that's all far enough in the past I don't even count it anymore!

So, lets start at 2000...I get married and move to Great Falls Montana where my Husband is stationed in the Airforce as a cop (strike # 1, don't ever, ever, inlist in the military under open general it will screw you!) shortly after we get there, we find he is being moved to a unit that is gone in the field for five days and home for 4 days (of course 2 of those are training days, so you only get two days off every 10) We try with no success for 2 1/2 years before having our first child, and my husband can't get his degree like he planed because there is no internet access in the field and you can't exactly take on site classes with his schedual! no worries......we have six years to figure it out right?? NOT.........................



Aug 2001-Strike # 2 after going in multiple times for stomach pain I take my husband to the ER for what we think is appendicitis, after a 3 hr surgery I find out that he acutally has Chron's disease and they have removed 8 inches of his small intestine, he will be in the hospital with tubes up his nose for 10 days. He lost 20 lbs I lost alot of sleep!

We get him home and start him on his meds, which make him depressed, and exhausted, he has an adittional 2 weeks leave before returning to the field.

2 months later Oct 2001 we are back in the hospital for our first of many Bowel obstructions, they do tests, hook him to IV's and shove another NG tube down nose and cut all intake of food and liquid for 7 days this time. during this stay, the doctor did a CAT scan and they found a golf ball size lump on his liver........this would be the first time I ever found myself dry-heaving in the bathroom simply from stress......days later he has a liver biopsy, with inconclusive results. 3 weeks later we meet with the oncologist, its not cancer, its just a collection of blood vessels that he was probably born with......I think God was finally feeling sorry for me!

March 2002 We finally get pregnant with our first child!!!!! at 29 weeks I am put on bed rest compleatly, and my husband continues to post to the field for five days at a time.

Oct. 18 2002 My husband recieves news from the medical review board about his Chron's disease.........after giving the Airforce 3 years of his life, he has been honorably medically discharged, because his is not World Wide Deployable. our discharge date? Nov. 30 2002

At this point I am technically 2 months from giving birth to our first child and we are being told that we no longer have a job or a home after the 30th of Nov..........Oh but they will give us $5000 severance pay for our troubles.........FUCK YOU!!!!

I ended up having our son Nov 14th 2002, 5 weeks and 4 days before his due date, and with some pettitoning from his superiors we got our seperation date moved to Dec. 15th 2002.

My son was born and was sevearly jaundace so we spent his 1st 7 days in the hospital under the billy lights. When I brought him home I had 3-5 days or so to get ready for the movers to come and pack our stuff. I spent thanksgiving with my bestfriend and her family and then we headed out to California with a stop in Colorado to see my mom for Christmas and show off our new son.



Let me paint you a picture: our 1999 ford Taurus trunk loaded with suitcases and formula, backseat has 3 week old baby and saint bernard mix dog in it and the front is us. Hooked to the back of the car is a small uhaul trailor with a few of our belongings and a washer and dryer in it......and remeber its December......in MONTANA. We start the trip out of Montana and get 5 hours away when the car starts smoking. We pull over and a truck driver comes and takes my husband to the nearest town while the baby and dog and I wait in the car on the highway. an hour or so later my husband shows up with a tow truck and we go to town. we spend 3 days in a hotel and use 4000 of our 5000 dollars severance pay to repair our busted transmission. My cousin comes from colorado with his truck and tows the uhaul to colorado. We spent a week with my Mom and headed out to California via the southern route through Arizona hoping to avoid the snow. Little did we know we would get stuck in a blizzard and spend another 2 days in Arizona before making our way to California.....

Our first time back to California we move into the house and it is falling apart and disgustingly dirty but free......Rob goes to work for an oil field company as a pumper and is gone alot.....we had some trouble getting paid, but when we finally got the $2000 lump sum that was owed to us we paid off some bills and decided we would try our hand back in Colorado.

October 2003 we moved to Colorado springs into a 500 sq foot apartment with two bedrooms and our room-mate. Rob gets a job with Wal-mart, and a few months later he starts school at a technical college so he is now gone 60 hrs a week. During this time, we move once, and get pregnant with our daughter. Between Oct 2004 and December 2004, Rob is in the hospital 1 once a month for bowel obsturctions with stays ranging from 3 days to 8 days and many more trips to the ER inbetween for partial obstructions. Our daughter was born Jan. 15th 2005. in that year we would find out that our insurance had been inadvertantly cancelled by my Father in laws book keeper, and we now owed $35000.00 in Hospital and doctors fees. Rob started work for an HVAC company after he graduated in March of 2005, he worked 50-65 hrs a week, and we moved again, this time in with friends so that I could work at the Animal ER 36 hrs a week. and I was a live in nanny for thier daughter and housekeeper for them during the daytime weekday hours so that our rent was free. Rob was still having health problems, and at this point we started looking for HVAC jobs back in CA, after talking to my FIL about buying the house for him for $20,000.00. January 16th 2006 we headed to CA, Rob had found a job with a local company offering him a little more money an hour and we had a house waiting for us...........oh and those medical bills......we filled bankruptcy and it all went through Jan. 30th 2006. Now our credit was shot.



We get to CA, and Rob starts working, again 50 hrs a week, in March of 2006 our taurus quits running (well it actually blew up, it had a crack in the engine block!) and we have to go out and buy a new car jsut 2 months after moving and filing bankruptcy....did I mention we still owed $4000 on the blown up car?? The company Rob was working for goes out of business and he starts working for another company, all the while he continues to have bowel obsturctions and hospital stinits. After a long time, he finally finds a doctor that says the problem is that he has built up scar tissue around the area of his first resection and suggest surgery to fix it June 1st 2007 Rob had his second surgery, and the wonderful surgeon removed another 4 inches of his small intesting and resected it. (she did a wonderful job!) He ended up with an infection and we had to pack an open 4 inch long by 2 inch wide section of his incesion for a few weeks because of infection. 6 weeks later, Rob is back to work and the company puts him out in the field again working on units in peoples homes. With in about 2 weeks he started having dizzy spells, falls down while walking and I have to go and pick him up from his work van...turns out he has benign porxieminal vertigo, it should clear up in 3 days to 6 months....wonderful! after taking a day off, he goes back to work......low and behold, they have suspended him for 11 days without pay, what it boils down to is they couldn't fire him for being sick so they found another reason that was basically Bull Shit!

So we decided we would both enroll in school full time and Rob went to work for his dad doing paperwork for the company. In the last few months, Robs dad has let his company go under, after getting a job offer from Tri Valley Oil, and Rob has begun working for HDB going to the coast on weekends for 24-30hr work weekends, while we go to school during the week. the last 2 weekends HDB didn't need his help, so he did paper work for his dad.....last thursday he went to pick up a pay check for those hours and was told the company had $47 and they couldn't pay him untill invoices that had been sent out got paid.........This weekend, its 1 week before finals, they do need him at HDB so he is on the coast working and I am home with the kids trying not to pull my hair out with term papers and presentations that are due next week, and wondering how in the hell we are going to make it for 2 more weeks with NO money, praying that the book keeper gets a check in and can pay us soon..........Oh and the house that we were buying for $20,000? well we live in it, we compleatly overhauled it in 7 days, tore up floors, painted replaced counters, sinks, doors. We have recently re-landscaped, and although my FIL payed for the replacement of the carpets and floors, we have payed for the rest. it works out because we live here rent free, but on the other shitty side, he has decided not to sell it, so that house and the chance to invest that we moved out here for no longer exist. When we finally get done with school we will be starting our lives again for the 3rd time now! third times a charm right?? I sure as hell hope so, I don't think I could do this all agian!

I really and truly am tired of my life so I say to God "you have given me all I can handle, cut me some damn slack already!" my mantra this week has been "all I want to do is run away!" anyone care to go with me?? of course you would also have to be willing to pay for it since I have no money!!!!
I am tired, I am drained, I am DONE!