About 6 months ago after being on antidepressants for nearly two years, I decided to get off of them. Things were going fairly well for a few months, and then recently I've started to have some days of feeling very overwhelmed and not sleeping well, and within the last week to 2 weeks I started having little miniature panic attacks. Today I had an attack so sever, that the advice nurse for Kaiser told me to go to the ER because she thought I was having a heart attack, and frankly, so did I! Needless to say after a 3 hr wait and a 5 min check up, it was determined that my heart and lungs sounded just fine, however my pulse oxygen was at 100% meaning that even though I felt like I couldn't breath and was taking regular breathes that were spaced out, I was breathing so deeply that I was causing myself to hyperventilate without realizing it.
Of course the doctor recommended I get back on the anxiety meds, but I am hesitant, Not because they didn't work, but the anxiety was worse for the first week, my family has a history of liver problems, and my numbers were elevated when I got off the meds which can affect liver function, AND I had a horrible time getting off of them. I actually had to use GABBA and saint johns wort to counteract the discontinuation syndrome even when dropping by 10mg every 2 weeks! and I would just rather not go through that again if I don't have to. SO I'm trying the GABBA again along with the 5HTP that I've been on and I'm going to see if it makes a difference.
I do have an appointment to see a psychiatrist in two weeks though to discuss treatment and therapy options.
I've talked to a few people who love me and are concerned for me and everyone seems to think that I need to make some decisions and find some time to take care of myself and my stress level. My Mom said that I should look for a program for the kids 3 days a week, that might alleviate my stress some, or even put at least Samantha in public school to give myself on less kid to worry about. But I'm struggling.... Not that I don't think I NEED to figure out something, but I can't help but feel like I will be failing my children if I don't continue to home school them all, or that my inability to juggle our life is unacceptable.
I need to do something...but what to do? I think that Samantha would be fully capable of handling a public school setting, she is very social and would flourish socially, I worry about the quality of education, and the travel involved in having her in class from 8-12. it would interrupt my mornings with Matthew for school, and I would need to keep track of additional parent teacher meetings, of course I would want to be involved in her classroom at least one day a week....I just don't know if it would help...the other thought is that I use some of the extra money from Rob's new MGIB grant and hire a sitter one or two days a week, or maybe trade childcare with a friend once every two weeks? whatever the outcome I have to come up with something, and I have to accept that I can't mentally do it all for some reason my brain and body won't let me....hopefully the counseling can help that.
so that's where I am. everyone please just keep me in your thoughts, I'll try to keep you updated!
3 comments:
Samantha will be fine in public school. You've already said that you'll be active. Sometimes the best way is to "unschool" while they're home after school. Less stress on you, gives you the break, and still keeps her actively learning when she is with you.
And once you adapt to the new schedule, you'll have a routine before you know it. You've always been good about that. :)
Your family is right ~ you need to take care of YOU. Everyone else will be fine, but if you're stressed, your kids will feed off your stress.
Take care of yourself. Be good to you. And remember, we love you!!!
you are in my thoughts...you probably have read some of my stress-induced blogs and there is a light at the tunnel. Sheralyn is right, YOU DO NEED time for yourself. And you are NOT a failure if you can't do it all. You are a truly amazing mom, wife and person. The fact that you care so much shows you can never be a failure. The failures are those who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves (the selfish idiots out there). You are definitely NOT one of them-NEVER could be one of those selfish idiots. you are in my thoughts & prayers!
you are absolutely NOT a failure if you can't handle it all. :P And neither am I, darling. Take your advice to me and suck it up and do something for yourself.
Your squiddos are getting SO grown up...and I miss you every day. Love you and be well!!!
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