emotional

I feel as if I am an emotional wreck. My best friend in the whole entire world has been sick for about the past month, and her inital diagnosis was an ovarian cyst. Yesterday she called to tell me that she had seen the GYN and he had given her two options, she has cancer, that has possiably spread to her intestines, or something is wrong with her intestines and she will need to go to a G.I. for more testing.

When I got her call, I was numb, my heart was in my throat, I didn't know what to say.....I stuck to the logical questions, when was her surgery? how was she doing? how was gary? and did she need me to come out there? after alittle bit of chatting and deciding that I should wait until after the sugery to find out what was going on before I came out, I was able to choke out a "keep you chin up, and I love you" before we hung up.

I've had one good cry since our conversation, and I feel a little less overwhelmed about it all, but all of this has raised so many questions about my life and her life, and friendship and families......I just don't know what to do with it all!

I can't help but let my mind wander, I think, what would happen if it was me? could I be strong? how would my family survive without me? all of the things I would miss? would my kids be ok? what about my husband?

and then I wander to Jenny, and if she has cancer, I know I can be there for her and help her fight this, but if she looses that fight, I can only pray that I am able to be strong enough to not have her, and help her children and her husband.........of course then my brain says, NO SHE WILL BE FINE, SHE IS NOT LEAVING ANYONE! but the thought is still there and I just can't shake the dread of not having my other half in my life to laugh with and raise our children together, and be old ladies playing cards while our grandkids run around our homes........

she is such an amazing person, and she doesn't deserve to be facing this, I only wish that I was closer to hold her hand and give her a hug!

please pray that everything is fine, we have to believe that, with all of our hearts and souls, there is just no other option!