what a difference 24 hrs can make

I think everyone who actually reads my blog is a close friend, so you all know the struggles that Rob and I have faced medically and financially for the last decade or so. Today was another one of those roller coaster rides that I wanted to get off of. But it led to some changes, scary changes, but I think positive changes. First, Rob's unemployment quarter for benefits was adjusted for the new quarter...this dropped our benefits by HALF....meaning that the amount we had previously gotten was just enough to support us is nowhere near enough now. SO first order of business was to reorganize, put things on hold, decide who we could forgo paying, and reapply for state aid on Monday. No sooner did we have that conversation, and went back to talking to the kids and deciding what was for dinner, Rob came back into our bedroom to talk to me, and what he said caught me completely off guard, it made my heart break, and it made me scared and hopeful all in about 20 min.

Rob's health has been better than it was for the last 4 years, but it hasn't been great. Lately, it's been getting worse. about 6 months ago his treatments were increased so that he is receiving them every 6 weeks rather than every 8 to try and manage his symptoms and until recently it was working. But it seems that his symptoms have been returning. he is regularly completely exhausted, spends an average of 3-6 hrs a day in the bathroom and has been plagued by headaches for months now a couple of days a week.
yet even with all of this he was ready to enroll in classes this summer and talking about all the things he was going to need to do to get back to the university, little did I know he has been contemplating for a month the changes that came about tonight.

To my surprise, Rob came in tonight and finally after 8 years, said the words to me "I don't know if I can do this, I'm sick, and I'm tired, and I think it is time for me to stay home with the kids and for you to go back to school. How fast can you get your RN License and be working to support us?" I was so caught off guard that it took me a min. to respond. I could see that this was a hard thing for him, and as we talked he admitted that it wasn't what he wanted to do, he WANTED to be healthy, and be able to support his family financially, but the fact was he is sick, and he can't change it. he actually said the words "I am afraid I have painted us into a corner in my stubbornness, and I'm sorry.....but I am glad I know you are in the corner with me, so we can get out" My heart broke, to see him finally coming to terms with his illness, and honestly I panicked a little bit to realize that its all on me now.

SO plans have changed, Rob is going to drop his classes, I have enrolled in classes in Delano (45 min away) for this semester so that I can have priority registration in the spring. I am taking Interpersonal communication, Anthropology, Medical Terminology, and Mathematical Statistics. I am hoping to be able to stay with a friend up there on Monday's and Wednesdays so that I don't have to make the drive home after a 13 hr. day. After this semester I will have 4 science classes an English class and an intro nursing class to finish to apply for the program. I'm hoping that I can be applying by Fall 2012 and get in quickly because its a 2 year program.
In the mean time, Dad will be homeschooling the kids, and even babysitting like I have been to try and bring in the extra cash that my financial aid will be lacking, but he will be home, near a bathroom which he needs, and able to sleep at least 9 hrs a night since he won't have homework or any of that which he also needs.
I am going to try and get him to apply for SSDI as well to supplement our income, and hopefully we will get cash aid as well.
Dear friends, please keep us in your thoughts as we make all these changes. It is going to be a hard transition for all of us but I think that it will be a change for the better in the end.