letter to my dad

well I did it, I sent the letter.... I cryed through the whole thing, but I feel a strange sense of relief too!
here it is if you would like to read it:

Dad,

This letter has been a few years in the making, and I finally feel like its time I type it out and send it to you. If you could please let me know you recieved this email I would appreciate it. If I don't hear from you I will give a copy to Mom to hand deliver for me when you visit for Hannah's birthday, so I can be certian that you recieve it.



First things first, I want to say that I love you very much, you helped to mold me into the woman I am today and I am thankful and blessed because of it. I don't know how much you remember from the day that I found out that you and mom were divorcing, but one thing you said still sticks with me to this day. You told me that day " This is between your mom and me, no matter what, you will always be my daughter, and I will always be there for you" I don't know why things happened the way they did for our family, and I never will....what I do know is that on that day I lost my dad. I never would have thought that at 29 years old I would be able to say I lost one dad when I was 6 and another one when I was 19!

I don't know what you think I think about the end of your marriage with my mom...and to be honest, I don't care, but I want to make it very clear to you that you taught me my morals and values, it was you who taught me right from wrong, good from bad...and even with all of that, I want you to know that no matter how I felt or feel about the situation that happened between you and mom, you are still my dad and I still love you.



You know, speaking of things that you taught me; I have a really hard time now days explaining that the Man who taught me to ride a two wheel bike, taught me how to drive a car, saw me graduate from high school, gave his ok for me to be married to my amazing husband, and walked me down the asle at my wedding, the man I call DAD has never met my daughter, his granddaughter...and hasn't seen his grandson since he was 7 months old! not to mention I haven't gotten any phone calls, birthday, christmas, mothers day, anniversary or any other kind of card in 10 years. You know something? I used to keep a 11x13 print of my wedding picture of the motorcycles and all our "biker family" on my wall surrounded by 8x10 prints of my favorite moments..one of which being you giving me away to Rob. I took them all down a few months ago..because Matthew and Samantha kept asking me who you were and I couldn't explain any more that you were thier grandpa or think of a reason to tell your very inquistive 7 yearold grandson when he asked why he had never met you. They know the picture of Joyce, they know that she's in heaven...ya know he asked me if you were there once? I don't know what keeps you from being a part of our lives, but you sure are missing alot!



I'm greatful that i've been able to develop a relationship with Al since shortly after my wedding. I have two more sisters, and a great stepmom, and the kids have a papa...but ya know what? I still don't call him dad...because I have one, he lives in Florida, and doesn't know a damn thing about my life. I'm angry, and I want to know..how did you just move on? how did you push me so far out of your life that you don't want to ever talk to me, visit me, or be a part of my life? do you ever wonder if I'm ok? if I'm happy? Rob and I have had our share of difficulties, mabey a little more than our share, but thanks to the love and support of the OTHER people who promised to support us when we started this journey nearly 11 years ago, I can say that I love my family and even though its missing you, I love my life too. We've worked hard to get where we are today, I'd like to think that my DAD would be proud...but then again you don't even know what we've overcome, or the fact that Rob is 2 years away from being a History Teacher. It breaks my heart that you have chosen to miss so much of our lives, but I can't change the past and its up to you to change the future.



I hope that this letter finds you healthy and happy and enjoying life, and I hope that occasionally your Daughter crosses your mind because my DAD will always be in mine.



I love you,